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THE TALL MAIDEN.
THE TALL MAIDEN. Chapter 10.
Forbidden love thrills the lovers. She married Willie on an impulse. She married for security and safety. She wanted a big name. The Mayor's family was famous. And She?
Indeed she was poor. She had no ancestral heritage. Mr.Hubert, her father was a high School teacher. He spent his life in educating the children. He reared his own four kids with good traits of life. He was a gentleman of the yester-years, moody and good. He was a disciple of Dickens and had the tenderness of a poet for nature. He liked wandering in the fields. He loved life in woods and was fond of all sorts of animals. Of a high family, by birth, he hated his life as a school teacher. He was a philosopher by temperament and liberal by education. His strength or his weakness, was his kind-heartedness, which had not the power to put into effect a cherished goal in life of luxuries for his family. He was a man of theory. He had planned to educate his children to the end, so that they may lead a helpful luxurious life.
She was not a millionaire. She was the school-teacher's lovely daughter, who had a foreign-look. Her voice sounded at first meeting, slightly sharp but her frank and fearless laugh was quite natural which spread joy around her. She did not belong to this place. Boys in the class, senior boys of other class, neighbors, all were owed, went half-creaked about her. Her figure, her shape her frame, her voice, her walk was her capital. She was the uncrowned queen. All others were her subject. Often she would raise her hands to her temples to arrange her hair. Such a simple gesture provoked the near by-standers to a great extent.
She could be easily called distinguished looking. Mother Nature endowed her with dark brown eyes, and golden hair; a strange combination, that provoked men’s' attention. The full white pallor of her neck and shoulders, clothed in a light-colored gown, gave her personality an alluring strangeness. Among the lace, in the bosom of her gown, there used to shine a five edged star locket made of eleven diamonds. It was a gift from her grandma. This was her favorite piece of ornament. She always wore it at all public functions. Some called her, the lady with the star, a lucky star!
Willie had his eyes on her since childhood. His father was the County-mayor. The mayor also represented the school board. He used to visit her house as a pupil for tuition. He had no mind for studies. He was more interested in extra-curricular activities, outing and moving in company of other boys.
He, under one pretext or the other, was found to be hovering near the vicinity of the teacher's house. When he was small, he used to boast around that he would marry no-one-else but her. He was crack about her. She was not willing. She took it as a joke to hear about it. She had an eye for a millionaire and a dignitary. He had no courage to open his mouth in front of her about other affairs. In her presence, he was seen as shy and reserved. He hardly could speak a few words.
As years passed by, they advanced in age. She made excuses and family reasons when he invited her out for a social gathering. This did not deter him from a prolonged hope. In all, she happened to refuse him five times out of many such occasions. This topic came under discussion at every meeting. They were doomed from the start. Her refusals, denials meant nothing to him.
He lost no opportunity to be with her and propose. In reality, she never considered him as a husband. Her attitude towards him was indifferent. She did not find any extra-attraction in him.
On the other hand, he was an insistent guy, never to be disappointed or disheartened by her negative-response. With every meeting with her, he found her prettier than a paint and delighted to discover that she was marvelous at entertaining and a charming person at social gatherings.
He took her out at least twice or thrice in a month. Their meeting was never so exciting and warm. The pair never appeared involved in each other with dazed starry eyes. It was not a case as if they could not live a moment without each other. One Sunday, he took her to his home and introduced her to his family including the mayor. They liked and approved her as a life partner for him. For a long time, she resisted his blandishments and continued to play her own way by silence, disinterested look, when she was required to react positively.
He was a dogged fellow. He regularly suggested her to marry him. There were series of excuses on her part. She did not commit anything. His joyous mood used to turn gloomy after every encounter with her. He was at his wits ends. Life went on like this for a few years. The same attitude continued on both sides. He was exasperated by her rigid behaviour.
Finally he thought of putting her out of his life. He projected himself as less concerned and less interested. He behaved as if he was on a look out for some other suitable girl. He stopped entertaining her at regular intervals.
She perhaps sensing this, did a volte-face, an about-turn.
At last the inevitable happened. She conveyed her interest in him through a leading lady of the mayor family. He ran to her quite shocked and moved. She brought up the topic. He could sense that she was ready for marriage. She tacitly conveyed to him that she was willing. It was apparent that her attitude was matter of fact and not love inspiring. He was blind to see it. She was desperate. She was fed-up. She wanted a change.
She said: "yes.”
She: “OK."
She: "when?"
He: "Next Sunday."
He: "At the
He: "OK?"
She: "OK."
She: "Agreed."
God smiled down on the Harris family. Well wishers and friends and families were thrilled at the news of a wedding occasion in their family. Preparations for the selection of the best man and groomsmen for him was a matter of fast decision. Similarly on the part of the Hubert family the selection of bridesmaid, companion maids was done by her mother from among her school friends. It was decided the couple would share the week-end of celebration with bride's family and guests at their place.
Invitations had to be sent by special messengers. The church-father was contacted. The mayor family was taken by surprise. All arrangements were made on an emergency basis. Her marriage gown was selected and many designers were placed on job to keep it ready within the fixed time. Caterers and music band were sent urgent requisitions to be present. The Church and the city-hall were the venue of great activity and furor.
It was a beautiful sunny day for the wedding, a damp soil but a clear sky. They few cabs and three big school-bus for their transport. Everybody crowded in the parlour with excitement. She was still upstairs. Her father was the center-figure in his black coat and grey trousers. His voice was hearty and encouraging. His wife Ruby came down in dark-grey silk with lace and a touch of green in her bonnet. Her little body was sure and definite. She stood in the doorway, saying who must go with whom. There was a great parading going on. The main door was open. The guests walked down the garden path, while those still waiting for their turn eagerly looked on in anticipation. The first lot had gone. There was now more room.
The bride finally came down blushing and shy to be viewed in her white silk and veil. Her mother-in-law surveyed her, twitch the dress, arranged the folds of the veil and blessed her with blessing. Loud exclamations of joy and fun were heard all around.
“Where is your hat?” and where are my gloves? All sorts of question and query were heard. There was chaos in the atmosphere. Everybody now had gone and the bride and her group was waiting for the car to take them to the church. A friend walked around whom she asked,
She: “Am I alright?”
She was ready. She looked majestic and queenly. She waved her hand to her father:
She: “Come here.” He goes. She puts her hand on his arm, sweeps past the row of guests down the path. There are loud shouts of joy and happiness at the gate. Her father notices her slim ankle and foot as he climbs her in the car. His heart is hard with tenderness. He felt he had pain and joy in taking her to the church. Her father sat besides her with all the surrounding strangeness, his heart felt gloomy and guilty.
The church was decorated as if it were Christmas.
At last after great furor, the would-be grooms were brought in the church in great pomp and grandeur. The ceremony opened with worship dancers who set the atmosphere as they lifted the name of the Lord on high scale. The guests were reminded in the songs that love can be expressed in many languages. It should come from the heart and that a few people wait a lifetime for this moment. Both, stood before the reverend Father. The anxious moment had come. The Reverend Father in his majestic robe and with great serenity and solemnity prepared himself to officiate for the marriage ceremony.
Against the backdrop of love and friendship,
She said: "I do."
The couple promised each other lifelong support and friendship. In the presence of about 500 guests and invitees, they paired together in matrimony as husband and wife respectively in a colorful ceremony held in the city church.
The tempo of the ceremony was heightened, where the drummers of the famous folk-dance association provided the backdrop of the wedding rituals. The music was provided by the maestro Pianist Jackson Might who specially flew with his band party to take part on the occasion.
In the cottage big fires were burning, and there were dozens and dozens of glasses on the table, the wedding party crowded in for drinks.
The highlight of the function was the can-can dance. The choreographer had to work day and night for practice of the dance-partners.
The ceremony followed a lively get-together at the city hall. Throughout the evening the couple gracefully received the blessings and well-wishes of everybody present there. The Governor of the State the Minister Mr. Collins and other celebrities attended the function. It also followed the usual wedding party made up of parents, close relatives and friends of both the families. Their marriage celebration was a talk-of-the town for many weeks. Both the families liked to extend a big thank you to all the participants in the auspicious occasion. There was a touch of scandal in the air. People would remember the occasion for a long time to come.
At twenty, she wanted to get rid of her home. She accepted Willie because he was the youngest son of the mayor family. They were rich and famous. Her marriage with Willie would put her on a high platform in the social circle of the place. She must have thought so.
Within a few days, after her marriage, she was restless. She regretted the decision. It appeared as if Willie too realised the fact that their marriage was a mistaken step, and that there was no solution to it except to endure, and keep up a bold front in the family and the social circle at large. It seemed to be working in the beginning, but soon the reality dawned on them that they were an unfortunate pair of misfits. There was no romance, no suspense no thrill and no love left for each other.
After some time Willy also ended up asking himself as to what made him fall in love with such a cold ice-country princess. He spared himself another few months regretting and wishing to end up the relationship. It was an uncommon incident in the mayor family. To dream of being separated was considered immoral. It was taboo. Life dragged on again for some time. Again as time went by, both realised that their marriage was a mistake. He felt he should have seen the symptoms of her indifference right from the start. Of course, there is no way of knowing such an attitude in an instant, but it is possible to gauge whether their life together would survive the ups and downs of life after initial phase of physical attraction was fulfilled, and practical life began.
He felt, if he had looked for the signs! He occasionally tried to picture the signs of her dislike for him in many ways. She always talked about her unending problems and unhappiness in general about anything and everything in the house, and that her life was miserable. It was a burden for her to live in that crowded estate.
She had never tried to know about him, about his likes and dislikes etc. She had never tried to adjust accommodate herself in the new life. She always whined about her every day life. She was full of excuses and reasons for her discomfort in their society.
No matter how hard, he tried to please her, the fact remained that she never got over her distaste for him. She felt that her dislike for him was deep seated since childhood, in the back seat of her mind. It had now come to the surface. In the early days he had often found her weeping, hiding herself in the spare-room, so that he may not see her and all that. He had not taken all these facts seriously and consoled himself that with the passing of time everything would settle down and their life would be normal like others.
On her part, she was in a fit of rage, with herself for her hasty decision. She had ruined her life. Their great married life was nothing but a matter of frustration defeat and agony. Every day this feeling grew stronger and stronger. Both tried to hide their misery and managed to hold their married life together.
Willy's family was a vast ocean in the county. The mayor had three other brothers and four sisters. His parents in the eighties were dominant factors in the family.
The four sisters were married and their husbands had much voice in the family-affairs. Mr. Harris had little time to devote any attention in the matters concerning his family. He was a public figure with public meetings, functions, parties, seminars and all that.
As such, there was no apparent vice in Willie. She never loved him from her heart. It was a marriage- a contract of convenience. She had married him because, she wanted security, safety and an abode.
She had wanted an escape from the searching gazes of the males. Now she was married. Therefore the hunt for her hand would be minimized. The family- Harris Sinclair family was a tree by itself. For generations its branches had spread in the affairs of the River-bridge county. All family affairs were managed by the mother Elizabeth, grand mother Sylvie and sister Nivedita.
Willie was the youngest one in the Harris family. she had therefore no family importance. She had a long way to go, to make herself a recognized member of the family-tree, to assert herself as a member, with a casting vote. Rank has its privileges. She had a long wait to earn a high rank in the family.
One fine morning, Willie walked out of his home to his office. He had the authorized dealership of Ford Motors for the County. He had sub-dealers under him with Ford-Motors Show-Rooms through-out the county. They do not speak good-bye or anything. His attitude used to burn into her brain. There would be a tight band of pain around her.
He had left her sitting in the sofa with her hands folded in her lap, waiting for him to go out. She slumped back into the sofa chair. The room was beginning to spin around her. She closed her eyes. It looked as if she wanted him out of the house. He could not fathom what she found wrong in him. It was not as if he drank. He had abandoned the company of his friends after marriage.
He could feel, rather sense a subdued aversion for him. He realised that she had made a mistake in her choice for him. She did not love him. She had tried to. But she could not love him. Willie entirely blamed her.
He had never met a woman so inspiring attraction. Wherever they went, men were attracted by seeing her. He was jealous. Their looks, voices, manners changed on seeing her. She was one of those rare women-meant to love and to be loved vigorously. Her power of attraction made him sure that she could give as well as receive feelings-signals from worthy young-ones of the society. But she gave him nothing. This was Willie's standing complaint. Behind the veil of an unhappy life, she had a throbbing heart, unexplored hereto before. She had a body that needed to be watered with love and care. She had sensations like any other woman. She had feelings like any other woman. She wore a veil of disinterested outlook in life. She felt she had lost everything. She felt she was tied to Willie for life and there was no scope to get out of the mess she had created with her own hands.
Willie thought to himself: "Then why did she marry me?"
He had forgotten the years of his courtship days, when he was engrossed in devising schemes to attract her attention, giving her presents, proposing to her periodically.
He had kept her other admirers at a distance by his perpetual presence. He had forgotten the day when taking advantage of her surroundings in her house; he had crowned his labor with success. He felt that she had made him walk on a tight rope for long before consenting, to marry him. He had not seen the look of helplessness on her face, when she had yielded, and had spoken that she would marry him.
She was a different being in the presence of other friends and relatives. She was gay smiling and witty. Her face sparkled and her cheeks had that peculiar reddish when she talked with friends relatives at social- functions. When she was so much absorbed in talking with other females that it was a feast for the male-eyes to watch her expressions, her rhythm in explaining the things, outbursts of joy and expressions and actions of different parts of the face and the body.
If all of a sudden she happened to see Willie looking at her, she would check herself, regain her sad posture. She would withdraw herself to her former mood. Willie's eyes swelled. He also felt she was a pretty woman- a little taller in height; but her figure, her eyes, her teeth- he had to admit that she was too good for him. Nature had given her dark brown eyes, long hair, that combination provoked glances of all males at all times.
The full soft pallor of her neck, shoulders gave her an added quality. Willie continued to look at her. Something swelled in his heart. It was a privilege to be the husband of such a lively creature. He was able to talk about her with his friends. He could take her to parties and functions. He felt lucky to possess her. But he did not get anything from her. He was in the role of an escort or a companion at the most, with no more significance.
At the very thought, his cheeks flushed and burned. Her warmth, her radiance, her glow were sinking into his eyes. Her beauty had sunk into him. It made him long for her. At social functions, he would often steal a glance at her. She was found engrossed in talk with the neighborly lady. This was her power. This was her strength.
This was her ace up her sleeve. She could torture him. She could be indifferent to him; yet she would live with him. There was, as such no valid reason for her indifference towards Willie. Talk had already spread in the social circle.
Both were living apart. She had asked for a separate room for her. It spoke volumes, where it could end. It was not as if Willie was at fault. But. Something was there. Something had happened. He cried out in exasperation: "Women are the devil."
This outburst spread in the social circles like wild fire. It was murmured, -from one ear to another and so on and so on. It turned out to be the new gossip and talk of the town. It created a flutter, throughout the length and breadth of the county, from one ear to another.
It was not her fault also. She was determined that no-one should know. Rosie the maid, had overheard Willie’s outburst. She had told in fullness to her mother, in some light moments, giving her strict instructions not to mention it to anyone.
The maid’s mother wanted favors from Mrs. Darlington, where she worked. She spit out the domestic matters of the mayor family. She had wanted a separate room. That was it. Thereafter news spread from, ear to ear, with instructions not to speak to anyone.
The matter was a topic of hot -discussion on every lip of the county-dwellers. The mayor came to know at the club through his friend, who took him in a corner and asked if it was true that his daughter-in-law had asked for separate room.
The mayor was genuinely surprised. He was shocked. He said he never knew. This was for the first time that he heard. He also felt sorry for himself. Nobody in the house took care to tell him anything about the family news and the family gossip.
He blamed everyone in general, and Willie for his tactless handling of the situation. In fact, there was no love lost between the father and the son. Their relations were matter-of fact- hardly few exchange of words here and there, as and when, they happened to come-across each other in the house.
The mayor felt that his son had done enough of courting to get her. She had no justification now to play hard, play games with her husband. She should adjust herself to their always crowded family-life, to enhance their reputation in the social circle.
She had a quality that was singularly her own. She could not be persuaded or dragged into a fixed pattern of life. The mayor did not realize this important factor. Beauty wept; fortune enjoyed. Time went on indefinitely. Their life was dull and dry.
She had that strange rare ascetic outlook on life. She was absorbed in herself, realizing that life meant to give and not to take. She wanted to repay Willie everything he had done for her. She wished to free herself of his bondage. She was angry moody and disinterested in life. She took casual interest in the family gatherings, as if she were absent-minded about anything and everything. She would answer in nods suddenly coming to life, as if she were lost in thoughts, when asked about something.
The ascetic look was misconstrued as a sensual appeal for the male admirers. Her eyes looked out at them with an innocence of a child ; which too was misread as symptoms of a classic beauty. In reality, they were the eyes and face of a girl who had kept her conscience alive; her soul untouched. She was a victim of others' jealousy. All were alert at her presence.
The social circle consisted of a few classmates males, also who were still boys. Her hubby also was still a boy. He was like a bull. He always thought of himself. She did not come across a man aware of the sensitivities of a woman. With Willie it was always a clumsy affair. He could not be patient. He was jumpy and bumpy. She could not reveal her power to love him. She could not respond to him to a point of ecstasy. She controlled her emotions and stored them in the back-yard of her mind. In the long run, emotions got repressed, compressed and degenerated, and were frigid. It had a psychological effect on her mind. She was desperate for a change.
Willie was seldom far from her sight. When they were separate, he was seen following her about with his eyes. He was constantly spying on her with watchful eyes. His behaviour reflected strange watchfulness and longing for her.
She could never forget her father. In her mind she constantly dreamt of him. His father had been a sort of friend philosopher and guide to her all these years. He used to take her out at regular intervals. He treated her as a lady and not as a small girl. On Sundays after the prayers, when she returned, her father would be ready, smelling of good cologne, to take her out to the zoo or to the playing ground where they would spend good deal of fun time together. Sundays passed very quickly in her life, quite busy and full of gay and laughter.
She started taking interest in the activities of the local Church. She befriended the Mother in the Church. She was assigned many activities. Many a times she used to spend the night in doing the church duties. Church duty turned out to be time consuming and filled with responsibility. She had absorbed herself in the vast field of service to the church.
Her idea was to renounce this world from social bondage. She wanted to offer herself to the service of the church. She was in two minds-not knowing what to do. She allowed time and circumstances to carry her away as they happened. Time would decide her fate.
She had lost interest from life. She knew that the church would never accept her except with the permission from the mayor. This was not possible. Mayor wanted his son to be settled and endowed with children etc. The mayor was very much in awe.
He liked her. In fact the mayor had no idea their relations were so much strained. He was not aware that there was no chance of a compromise. He took it as a domestic affair, and it would get streamlined by itself in due course of time. He was not aware what the score was. She never felt at home in the family. There was constant chaos according to her. She could not endure it. In the presence of the family-members, there was customary formal hug and peck and good night etc. between the two. Thereafter each would go separately his/her way. Each night she felt as if she would die without experiencing real love and tenderness.
Her visits to the church had turned active gradually. She did not know, she had an admirer there too. He was a painter. He was the clergyman church Pastor's son, - Jimmy. Her friend at the church brought this fact to her notice. She was told that he was a painter.
She was shocked and annoyed in the first instance. His job at the church also included to fix the fence, to do the plowing, cattle to tend etc. It was always work in spring time. He had to look after the work of planting the crops, milking the cows, to get enough wood, to get water for the day.
All this had left little time for him to do his job of painting. After seeing her, he was inspired to resume painting. He made portraits of models looking like her. She was her source of inspiration.
When she heard that she had an admirer in the church, she was annoyed. Her first reaction was anger and concern. She stopped for a few days going to the church. Gradually she came over the shock. She took it as a normal event that occurs at every place in life of every woman. She did not attach any importance to such casual admirers.
At the same time, she remained forewarned and alert. She avoided male company. In the church activities, her job was also to raise funds by writing letters to known personalities, organising cultural-shows or exhibitions at art-galleries.
His paintings had life into them. He had started painting-rather making irregular drawings since he was one year old. He liked creating art because it gave him a temporary escape to the fantasy world. With some attention from the viewers, the artists, sculptors singers, painters have the tendency to go out of contact with reality. His latest painting, the golden-hair girl in the nude in the arms of a gladiator about to die was a subject of criticism and comments in leading daily. The painter makes patterns. His brush consumes dreams. Painters and poets are on equal footing. Both have access to anything and everything. Painted angels look fair.
If your mind is mixed up, take a piece of charcoal and start making shapes and sizes of anything that comes into your mind. The things that are bothering you will come out on paper.
He painted because the image could preserve fond memories. The exhibitions allowed the artists to share their work with each other as well as support the church by donating work. He had the knowledge to paint something, worthwhile to look at, and which conveyed some meaning, message to the viewers.
His paintings left an indelible mark on the viewers' minds. That is art. He was an artist. She too had to admit this fact despite, her abhorrence for him personally.
Familiarity, constant acquaintance, togetherness coupled with his helping hand softened her attitude towards him in due course of time. Now she used to discuss things with him, consult or ask for assistance from him to help her in organising the things. She behaved normal with him and showed that she was pleased with him as time passed by.
Life was normal routine for all. Time passed by. Days turned into months and months into different seasons of the year. But her life did not change. The same monotonous routine life engulfed her as if it were her destiny. She was tired of it. She had accepted life as it came.
One evening both sat on the divan near the wall in her office, talking about nothing in particular-say general topics. It was not long before his arm went round her. She moved up almost in the corner. He too moved up after her.
She too laid her arm under his, across his back, and he just about pressed her hard, as his arm was hanging on her shoulder. They had sat like this on a few occasions but never so close together like this. He held her firmly against him. Her left shoulder was against his chest; already her heart began to beat faster. They had not finished as yet. He was not content till her head was on his shoulder and his against it. After about a few moments, she sat upright to make her comfortable.
He took her head in his hands and laid it against his. She felt lovely. She could not speak. There was silence. Atmosphere was tense. The next move was the suspense involved.
The joy of being loved was great. He stroked her cheek and the arm awkwardly, played with her curls. Their heads touched all the time. He kissed her through her hair, half on her cheek, half on her ear; and finally his lips went to meet hers in a state of a blissful kiss from him in token of his love for her. They got up at about half past eight.
She escaped from the office door and dashed through the lobby to the main street towards home like a frightened mare. It was the sight of a mad savage mare who had realised anticipation, anxiety and pain in a secret rendezvous. It was about fifteen minute journey for home. It was a down-hill slope; where one could almost run by gravitational force.
By the time she knocked the door to the house, to let her in, she had to fight to breathe normal way and hide her flushed face. She kept a downcast gaze at the floor and hurriedly made way to her room. All were engrossed in their own matters of conversation and other activities. Her entry in the house was taken as a normal course of event. She, once, in her room still felt flushed and excited as never before. She felt her wilted dreams had flourished.
Willie was happy to see signs of bright and happy mood on her face. The other members had also noticed a change in her. She too knew herself that a new chapter was opening up in her life. It was certainly hard for Willie and others to understand.
She knew almost for certain that married women like her elder sister Mary, would never allow another man to kiss her under any circumstances.
Her mother had never kissed any other man in her life except Mr. Hubert, that too, not before there was a talk of engagement and marriage.
In those days boys were never allowed to touch the breast. No farther contact below the collar-bone was the rule of dating. In fact in the higher circles, anything more than a kiss was unheard of. Her mother was a staunch catholic. She never allowed her to read sing or dance to the tune of popular folk songs.
According to her mother they were vulgar revelations of human weakness. Through her friends she had heard many cruel small verses from anonymous poets, expressing folk humour. When the girls were together and alone, they not only sang but also danced together to the tune of folk music.
When winter came and the sun went down,necessity of amusement was urgent. Chimney-corner story-telling was popular. They told in narratives, old-time memories, pithy sayings, ballads and exaggerations. It is vulgarity, sometimes, wisdom, history fused with legend.
The ordinary street beats, hip-hop songs in folk language reflected low taste of humour, vulgarity. It was full of satires, pranks and double meaning. The young boys and girls were receptive to such humour, jest and play of words. The coarse language bordered on the line of vulgarity. Such verses were passed on from the lips of one friend to another under strict secrecy. Two teams of boys versus girls were formed. Boys selected verses to hum to humiliate the team of girls and the girl's team by singing befitting reply-songs repaid them in the same coin.
The advantage of this was that they were free from darkness. It lead to lift a veil of ignorance about man and woman relations. Such a freedom lifted them from the path of mystery suspense and ignorance about such matters and convinced them that sex between man and woman was as necessary as food and other essentials. Such little rhymes unnoticeably helped her to know about the sexual aspects of human life. Lack of this knowledge strikes a terrible wound on young minds . She had experienced her first menstrual flow as a normal and natural event. At an age of fourteen she knew everything as to how babies were made etc. As opposed to this some staunch catholic girls of elder age of around sixteen believed that babies were born out of mother's belly button and no male participation was there in making a baby.
In her case she was well aware of all the facts about life. Nothing helped. She was mid way between hubby and the lover. Her love was over-powering. She was failing in her duty towards Willie. She was helpless. She got worried.
She:- ( to herself). "What would Willie and others think of her when their affair would be known to them?"
She was tortured by two loves. She wished to keep Willie and she had burning passion for him. She was full-bodied and intensely feminine. She tried to live up to the strange bargain she had been forced to opt by circumstances. With him she found release with a carnal love in a violent embrace which she never experienced with Willie. She was a victim of tormented passion. She could not explain it. She felt it.
She:- "What her girl-friends would speak" if they knew, she had lay in his arms, her heart against his chest, (both throbbing), her head on his shoulder and with his head against hers?
She felt, she should be guided by her heart as it dictated. It took her to him. It made them both happy. Why in the world people do not mind their own business? Why do they meddle in her personal affairs? She did not know.
She remembered her mother saying:
Mother:- "Sit and remain in your place; no one can ask you to leave it."
Mother:- "Keep your hands folded and legs crossed; none can dare reach you."
She had started on a journey in which she could not remain in her place.
She: "Sell not the bear's skin, before you have caught it."
It was the beginning. She had not had him. It was only a step in that direction. She could not keep her hands folded. She had kept her legs crossed. She doubted whether she could continue to keep them crossed any longer. Her mind used to shout,
She:- “Oh! How scandalous?
She did not think so. She was almost cornered in the house, almost neglected in the family. She had felt herself smothered. Willie had brought her as an object to decorate the drawing room as a piece or an article for show, for status-symbol.
She now liked to sit before the window in her room. There is nothing more beautiful in the world than to stand by an open window and enjoy the beauty of mother nature. It is a feast for the ears to hear the birds chirping and singing melodious tones.
It is an opportunity to enjoy the feel of the Sun on the cheeks. The only item missing in the menu was his presence besides her. She dreamt lying in his arms. She felt it so soothing and peace-giving that no words can describe the pleasure she felt that moment.
It is blissful to have his arms around her and to know that he was close-by, yet so silent! It can't be bad for this dream to be true. She imagined how nice it would be if it were real!
She realised her feelings about him. She had fallen in love with him. She felt his cheek against hers and recalled the lovely feeling. Sure she had messed up everything, she felt.
One afternoon she was at the Church for attending her routine work. he had dropped in for some discussion. Thereafter, they had retired to the divan, their arms around each other's waist.
She sat pressed closely to him. She felt a wave of emotion flowing from within her. It came over, tears sprang into her eyes; the left one trickled on to his trousers and the right one ran down her nose.
He was quite moved. He flung his arms around her neck and kissed her left cheek; was going to kiss the other one, when their lips met and were pressed, sealed together in a state of bliss. It looked as if thunderbolt had hit them.
They were clasped in each other's arms; again and again never to part for a moment. He longed for tenderness. He found it in her. He realised that she had also a beating heart, and could be so loving and different when she was alone with him.
For the first time in his life he gave himself entirely to her without reservation. He had never a girl in his life before, and this incident showed his real self.
They found in each other's company an unique similarity. He gasped at the sight of her flushed face. Her pull-over was so thick-knit that there could be no way to imagine that bosom like this could ever hide behind the garb of a woolen material. He fondled her with due care and love.
She began to grasp for air. Her lungs got choked. She was breathless. She began to choke trying to scream and gasp when she suddenly realised that her whole self was shuddering and shivering with something unknown happening within her, and she felt herself swimming in the grip of violent jerks, spasms, a climax unknown to her.
It was so strong that she had never dreamt that anything could create such powerful jerks of pain agony. She felt quite drained and empty and exhausted. She at once regained herself. Suddenly she was alarmed and afraid. She pushed him and ran around to pick up her belongings. He did not know what had hit him. He gathered up himself and ran for his quarters.
She wrapped herself, with all the actions of a frightened kitten. She closed the office and ran for home. She returned in a frightened mood. When alone in bed, she got haunted by the usual question which gave her no peace of mind. Sleep was over-powering, she was debating with herself between sense and sleep.
She:- "Was it right?"
She:- "Was it proper that she yielded so soon?"
She:- "Was it prudent to let herself go to this extent?"
She had no answers. She left them unanswered to the mercy of fate and fell asleep. Things were not in her hands. She was pulled and pushed in and out of a powerful current in an ocean of sentiments and love for him. The situation had taken an unexpected turn.
Can lave and cough be hid?
No. Love and cough can not be hid. Howsoever one tried.
In the meantime, the town was rife with rumour that something spooky was going on between his wife and the pastor's son.
Once he led her to his lodging room. They climbed hand in hand the winding stairs to the floors above. It was the roof-top cabin with glass windows overlooking the trees The church was on the top of the hill. His cabin was up in the site of natural scenery and beauty surrounded by all sorts of ups and downs of small hills with a river bisecting them flowing majestically in the shape of a serpentine line visible up to a mile.
He had linked his arm through hers. He led her near the corner window. He stopped abruptly. It looked as if he wanted to have an idea about her features. He had formed an image in his subconscious mind about her body. He liked to compare notes. He wanted to see with his eyes if her body did correspond with the mental image he had formed about her. He made her stand there and with meticulous care, with an eye of a professional, examining his subject for painting. He put the clothes on a chair. He moved backwards a few steps and stood as if in deep thought at what he saw. He was happy and looked puzzled also, finding how verbatim cent percent his mental image tallied with what he saw in her frame. It was incredible that his estimates had been cent percent correct.
People said many things about him.
No one could say that he was not handsome.
He was tall slender and graceful.
He had a sort of an animal type of grace that attracted
the ladies despite their unwillingness to involve in any relationship. He had a seductive youthfulness. He was a flatterer. He had the inborn quality to make out tales after tales
which the ladies liked to hear him narrate again and again.
He often wondered how people swallowed his crap, and how he managed to escape himself unchallenged. He simply had no idea. It was luck or his instinct to make the right acquaintance at the right time, and make exit at the right time. His gestures were
calculated with mathematical precision and his every smile wink handshake were well rehearsed. He had the neck to find out the families who would be useful.
She felt deep pity for him
She saw him as a helpless captive in the hands of religion.
She also felt something else. She could not explain. It was an impulse but she experienced a physical need to touch him. This urge was so strong that when she spoke to him,
She pat him on his hand or put her hand on his thigh etc. Such innocent gestures very deeply kept him disturbed. Today,
something really tangible happened. He had finished his routine work and was about to retire to his place. She crossed the path and stood invitingly mocking.
She was absorbed in her game but at ease as she had seen him completing his outdoor job and returning on break for rest and lunch. She laid her hand on his shoulder dragging him near
as if she intended to reveal a secret.
He listened. Both, thereafter, with their hands entangled, departed towards his room on the top of the mansion. His hand came to rest on her shoulder. It moved down her back. She felt it went still deeper. She had a jittering of her body unknown to her. It came with an intensity which she never knew it was possible. It had lasted about a minute. It was total. It was so full and all-encompassing that it had an effect of an explosion she felt for all the time, she had lived and of all the years yet to be lived.
Now she was certain God existed. Now she could die without regret.
Contd……..
Chapter 14. LOST
Never lose opportunity in life.
Everything else has to be done out of the house. Do not feel surrounded by circumstances. Make a way out of it. You have to fight your own wars. Do not think miracles will happen. Many people put away their problems in cold storage. You have to be a good judge of the problems. Problems on non-recurring nature may be put in cold storage. All problems can not be put away in cold storage. You have to periodically examine them evaluate them whether it is wise to sit tight or make a move and take action. Are you on the horns of a dilemma? Grab the dilemma by the horns.
Ladies never allow opportunity to slip from their hands. They can turn demons. They are born revengeful if harassed. They have suffered from inferiority complex since ages. They are always on the defensive safeguarding themselves from the men. If they love a man, it is out of caprice. Those to whom she is cruel take this as her love for him. She is towards the man, full of treachery, mockery and trickery. The man who loves her truly is a lost man.
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Chapter 15 NINE DAYS’ WONDER.
Man and woman possess different characteristics.
Man is restless, lazy and an outdoor type of a fellow. He has no peace. His blood is hot. He is a sort of a jumpy type.
The woman is calm, quiet and home-loving. She is passive. There is a different angle in their approach to any single incident. Take for example.
A group of equal number of boys and girls be formed to study their behavior. This may confirm the belief that man is restless combative burning his way to the top.
The woman is cool calm and balanced and sticks to one place, restful. The Telephone companies hire girls as telephone operators. They can stick to one place for hours. The boy is a restless type who can not stick to one place for a long time. He will stand up, peep through the window; he will go to the wash room, and so on. He would leave his place for no reason. A woman is a tolerant type of a human being. She can serve well, as a nurse in any hospital. She can wait for hours together on her feet in an operation theatre. She can be a good teacher. She can treat the young children better than males. She can spend hours together with the children and impart them with good knowledge. The man on the other hand is a restless type of a fellow. He has no patience. He can not wait upon the patients in hospitals.
HOW THE MAIDEN BURNT HER PALM ! Ch.12.
There was furor and activity in the house.
A great occasion had come in the family.
All were rejoicing gay and happy. It appeared a solution to a world problem was found out. The marriage ceremony was almost a nightmare. She was a spectator, quite dazed and dumb, to everything, that was happening. It seemed to her that she was entering into another world, in an unknown land where there was no familiarity. All were strangers to her. She did not know them well. She had not studied their nature. She was not aware of their likes and dislikes. Everything appeared upside down in her life and in her mind. A strange idea came in her mind.
She:- "Do I love him?"
He suddenly appeared like a stranger, whom she hardly knew. She had known of his existence some time back. Now she was his wife. Why did it happen? Why she should fall into marriage so suddenly? She felt as if she fell into a hole just beneath her feet. There are mysteries of life that are carefully kept secret from children for a purpose. Now she was not a child. Young girls are thereby kept pure in mind body and soul. It is the husband's duty to lift the veil of secrecy about facts of life. She now entirely belongs to her husband. She was now married.
What had taken place within the few days appeared to her like a nightmare. She thought it was just a dream. There are moments in one's life when things appear changed overnight. Even the motions and movements seem changed.
The time in hours and days seem to be out of their usual time. She felt bewildered. Last evening nothing had as yet changed in her life. She had gone to bed to sleep last night as a girl. And today !
She was a married woman. What a change!
She had crossed a boundary, which promised all joy happiness and surprise of a new life. She felt as if a new door had opened for her in life. She was nineteen. She was unaware of various arts of love-making. She was betrothed and marriage date fixed within no time. Her chorus of friends on the eve of the marriage-night, appraised her of the ways of love. Ignorant of the tricks and means of making love, she was nervous.
She was ashamed within her heart, on hearing her friends describing the intricacies of love-game in detail. Suspense was mounting. She was nervous, dazed and wide-eyed at sudden change in her life. She experienced a sense of anxiety, shock and fear. She did not know what to do. She never thought love-games to be prolonged and so much detailed, like a rhythm. She was happy that she was alone in the room. She stood before the four-poster.
A huge shining yellow chandelier decorated the red brown table. There were other white articles of marble. There were sources of white light coming into the room by way of the open windows. Her face flamed in anxiety. She felt herself frozen in anxiety.
The bells of the adjacent tower were heard. That means the time was eight in the evening. Standing in anxiety, her back touching the edge of the four-poster, she almost shivered. A thrill passed within her. The scream of a train whistle was heard through the window. She felt as if some one had pushed a dagger into her. At the foot of the window, of her room, traffic and noise, taxi horns blowing near the train station, was enough to shake her composure.
She moved to the two windows of the room. She tightly shut them off for peace and silence. There was silence in the room. Her hubby came to her around that time, with bouquet of roses, smelling of perfumes. He was dressed like a prince. He checked to close the main-room light. They were already shut and there was only a candle burning near the table. The atmosphere was romantic. The room was well decorated with romantic surrounding. It smelled of roses every side of the room. Light music was heard. The atmosphere was maddening and intoxicating. Here both were alone and young. He was humming lustily in tune with the ongoing music. Both were engaged in preliminary small talk.
He narrated his life incidents in detail. He gave her some drink from the jug. Both took some grape and fruits. Time was passing by. He then took her in an erratic dance. They pushed and pulled and moved from one end to the other in an attempt to celebrate the occasion. She felt his arm pressed gently around her waist. She said nothing. Her breath came in quick gasps.
Her heart seemed beat fast. His fingers caressed her hair. He placed his lips to her ear and whispered.
He:- This evening you will be my wife!"
She felt surprised.
She:- "His wife?"
She:- “Was she not his wife already?”
He kissed her temples and neck. They were little light kisses. She felt startled each time by them to which she was not accustomed. She felt his rough face, skin with her smooth face. She found it tickling. She instinctively turned away the face to avoid the touch. She liked, but she felt embarrassed and shy. Her modesty came in her way. She had her eyes averted to the floor. She had gone numb. He withdrew his arm from her waist. They turned around and stood face to face. They were so close that they could feel each other's breath. He gazed at her with that gaze in which two souls seem to blend and dissolve into one being. After detailed preliminaries the inevitable happened. The love-game was about to begin. He took her in his arms and kissed her face, lips and neck and so on again and again. He lifted her in his arms. He placed her near the edge of the four-poster. She stood looking, all confused and bewildered at the turn of events in her life.
He went into the dressing room. She heard his movements. He reappeared to put his wallet and other belongings on the room table.
He half-disrobed himself. He threw away his coat tie and the shirts. He was now in his pants. He grinned at her. He found a towel to rub himself. She looked up. Only the support of the four-poster kept her from tottering at the view of his bare hairy chest. He had a healthy muscled body with smooth shining skin. It was covered with hair at all places that ran down between his nipples, spread down to the belle-bottom. When he raised his arms, she had a glance of a tuft of black hair at his armpits. Sight of such dense hairy armpits mingled with the smell of perspiration and perfume maddened her. Never in her life, she had happened to see a man's bare chest so closely. The raw sensuality of his smell was intoxicating luring her to a sense of dream and culmination of her sleeping desires for a company. She felt she experienced a series of attacks of sentiments and emotions from all fronts. She was not her normal self. All she felt that she was flushed and aroused to no limit. He made her sit on the edge of the bed. She obliged.
She had never before seen a sight of a male leisurely opening the buckle of the belt, take it out from the loops with deft mechanism. Then he had unzipped pulled down his waist button and the pants had glided down the floor as if by magic. It was a sight to see how earlier he had freed himself from the tie and collar button like an athlete.
He had unbuttoned his sleeve and front buttons in a flurry, how he tidied his hair with his hands. All this amazed her to a great extent. Slowly, slowly and with rhythm he disrobed her. She felt hands tugging at her dress. She reached out to brace herself to keep from falling. She was completely nude now.
A strange hush fell over the room. Seeing her nude frame in the mirror opposite the bed, she was ashamed. She was perplexed. She was much nonplussed, shy and ashamed out of embarrassment and shyness and shame. She extended her hand on the burning lamp; that she put her palm on the candle-lamp; to save her from shame and embarrassment. The candle blew out, went off, a small circle of smoke spreading nearby.
The room turned dark with no light. He could not see her.
She was saved of exposure. In the process her palm got burnt. Next morning the family and the friends made a great deal of fuss about the burnt palm. She kept quiet. She offered no explanation. She smiled it out with a grin.
She could not describe what she felt.
Contd………..
